The Storm...A Parable

It began to rain softly. It came without warning. I wasn't expecting it...nor was I bothered by it. Rain comes and goes. It's a part of life. Some days it rains, other days it doesn't. Some days we experience a drizzle or a down-pour.  Other days are dry and hot. Still other days are windy or the snow falls softly.

Meteorology is not an exact science. Like life, we look for patterns and signs. History plays a small part, but each day is a new opportunity to discover just what the weather pattern will be. One TV meteorologist, Steve Pool, is quoted as saying: "I enjoy being a television forecaster. It's one of the few jobs that you can be absolutely dead wrong on a somewhat regular basis and remain employed." (Watching Weather, pg. 113).

This day the rain began without warning, but also without any call for concern. Rain is a part of nature's cycle. God ordained rain. It is needed to bring growth and cleansing. The schedule God set for nature is consistent and complete. God's creation needs rainfall and sunshine. It is a system of nourishment for the earth that God set at the time of creation.

So, on that day, when the rain began, I had no reason not to believe that in a matter of time the sun would push its way through the clouds and nature's cycle would be consistent. It would rain for a time and then it would end. I had no way of knowing that this rain was the beginning of a storm that would last and last. 

I went inside. I stayed inside for the rest of the day. I had no real reason to go outside. To some the rain is calming. It brings a feeling of security...even God's presence. Some feel safe, with the rain outside and the warmth inside. To some all is well with the world when the soft rain begins to fall. The smell, the freshness, knowing that each plant is drinking up every drop...is reassuring...especially when you know that you can watch it from the comfort of being inside, dry and warm. 

The rain continued to fall in the afternoon, which wasn't unusual. But I began to have the ominous feeling that this was a rain that had no thought of letting up. Harder and harder it came. And, although I was inside, I seemed to somehow feel the effects of it. The rumbles of thunder and flashes of lightning were somehow affecting both mind and body. And all I could do was waiting for it to pass. Pass...it didn't.

I walked to the window to watch the rain fall, to see if there was any sign of clearing. Then I noticed something that both amazed and puzzled me. There were children playing in the street. A neighbor walked her dog, obviously in no hurry. The world seemed to go on as usual. Couldn't they see that it was raining? I could feel each drop...why couldn't they? How were they able to stand outside amidst the blinding rain, the thunder and the flashes of lightning?

I felt almost like I was in a dream. I knew it was raining. I not only saw the rain, somehow I even felt the storm, yet, it seemed that I was the only one. My body shook with every rumble of thunder and I felt the shock of every flash of lightning. The world around me was going on as usual. Children were playing and laughing. Birds were singing in the trees. And the rain was falling harder and harder. Was I going crazy? I needed answers. I needed help.

"It's not raining and there is no reason for you to believe it is," was the first professional answer I heard. "The sky is blue, the sun is shining, and there is no storm." I left the weatherman's office bewildered...frustrated...and strangely alone. Weatherman after weatherman...the same answer, "No rain in sight."

But I felt the shock of every lightning bolt and my body quaked with the thunder. Every drop of rain found its target...me. It was almost as if I was living in an alternate world. Everyone else enjoyed the sunlight...and I stood alone in the rain. The storm makes you feel that way...alone. No one else feels what you feel, sees what you see, knows what you are going through. And you can't describe it. 

Virginia Woolf wrote: "The merest schoolgirl when she falls in love has [great writers and poets] to speak her mind for her, but let a sufferer try to describe his pain to a doctor and the language at once runs dry." 

Even when you are surrounded by those who love you best, you feel a deep sense of aloneness. They can't feel your pain...not that you would want them to. Well, perhaps, for a few seconds...just so, for a moment, they know what you experience.  Yes, probably one of the toughest parts of living in the storm is the feeling of being alone.

Oh...I know that I am not the only one living through a storm. There are many others like me. But the loneliness comes when you realize that there comes a point when you must quietly let the thunder shake you and the lightning strike you without a word. You must...or the words would flow continually. How do you convince someone of something they can't feel? How do you work through the "It's all in your mind" comments from others? How do you live with a storm that doesn't end?

From the nights when the lightning flashes would jolt me awake to the days when I had to work and live in the middle of a downpour, I go on. I have been able to hide the never-ending storm from others.

It has been raining for close to 20 years now. I feel a little like Noah, wondering when the storm would stop and the waters would recede. At least Noah was warned that the storm was coming, and others witnessed the flooding rain. He also had time to prepare. And he knew it would end.

One of the first things I had to do was to tell myself that I wasn't crazy. I wasn't feeling something that wasn't there. It wasn't all in my mind. It was in my knees, elbows, shoulders, feet, toes, hands and fingers. 

There were times when I felt that I found storm experts. They understand that the storm is very real. They just can't stop it. They have helped me know that I'm not crazy. They have also prescribed medications that turn the downpour into a drizzle at times. I am grateful for all that they can do.

I have also known that God has been aware of my storm all along. At times I have yelled for him to "Close the heavens and Stop the rain!" Other times have found me asking "Why?" And...there are times when I just ask him to help me to sleep during the storm.

I reflect on the time Jesus was able to sleep during the storm on the Sea of Galilee. Peaceful, restful sleep...while the disciples feared for their lives. When they woke him up and asked "Don't you care whether or not we die?" Jesus stilled the storm and told them that they had little faith. I would love to be able to sleep during the storm...like Jesus. I have often wondered if I can't because of lack of faith. I will talk more about that later. For now...I can say with confidence, both, that I live in the midst of a storm, and that I live with God.

Dr. Tom Murphree, professor of meteorology at the Naval Postgraduate School in Monterey, California describes a storm as "a violent and short-lived readjustment of the atmosphere toward a more stable condition. When cold air and warm air meet and start mixing it up, the natural tendency is for the relatively buoyant warm air to come to rest on top of the heavier cool air. That's the stable condition. Blizzards, hurricanes, thunderstorms and tornadoes are all part of the process of getting to that stable

condition.” (Watching Weather, by Tom Murphree and Mary K. Miller, Henry Holt and Company, New York, 1998. page 77).

This book is about getting to a more stable condition. Although the storm may continue there is a way to find stability of spirit. As Murphree stated, a part of getting to that (more) stable condition includes blizzards, hurricanes, thunderstorms and tornadoes. He says that the violence of the weather is needed to bring about stability. Whatever the result, the "violence" of the storm can have a tremendous effect on us.