Persistent Pain and Complaining

The RSD pain has been almost unbearable lately. It is 4:30am. I have been up and down all night. Walking was difficult yesterday. Now the shooting pain is in my knees. The pain almost defines who I am, and I don’t want it to. I am more then my pain. I have so many blessings in life, and then the pain comes and I go into my shell.

The lady we live with had a wonderful husband. He was always positive and smiling. I was with him when he died. He was diabetic since he was a teenager. She said that he never complained of pain. He didn’t acknowledge it, although he surely had pain. It makes me feel guilty to admit that I have pain. Maybe he acknowledged it within, but he didn’t want to burden her with it, or maybe she wasn’t strong enough to take it. I wish I knew his secret. It doesn’t make him any more of a saint...Jesus, Paul and many of the strong people of the faith acknowledged that they had pain that was difficult to bear. They cried out to God to take it away.

I am preaching this Sunday on the “Persistent Widow”. She cried out day and night about the injustice she was experiencing. And she is held up as one who had “faithfulness on the earth.” Prayer doesn’t change the purpose of God, but it does change the action of God. The Bible clearly shows that to be true. Complaining isn’t a sin...sometimes not complaining is. That’s one of the lessons of the parable in Luke 18:1-8. The widow received help ONLY because she complained persistently. That goes against all of the “self-help” messiah’s of the day.  The “persistent widow” was just supposed to accept her lot in life and be quiet about it. That is the opposite of the “faithfulness” lesson given in the parable.

Don’t let it define you, but If you don’t acknowledge it, then you aren’t praying about it. If you accept it, you are accepting injustice. I shouldn’t wear my family down with my complaints. But being silent about them doesn’t make someone a saint. It is the opposite of what Scripture teaches.

Don't know where I found this, but it is good:

45 Life Lessons, written by a 90 year old

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for things that matter.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose Life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Where's Your Pirate Ship

I remember thinking about something that happened 10 years ago. I have “convergence insufficiency” or double-vision. The doctor gave me a botox injection in my left eye. My eye turned all the way to the left. I looked funny, so I wore an eye patch. The idea was that the eye would move back in line with the other eye after the botox wore off...didn't happen. I was walking down the hall at church. A little girl looked at me with great interest and asked “Where’s your pirate ship?” I told her it was docked.

Gerald May, a Doctor/Theologian said: “Self-acceptance is freedom.” How true! I need to accept that I a disabled. There is still a lot that I can do. I am a bivocational pastor on Sundays and my other job is writing...VerseryRhymes and blogs.

Button: “I’m not tense. I’m just very, very alert!”

I have learned that truth does not fit on a bumper sticker, much as I would have liked.

Dysautonomia

1/7/2014

Yesterday I went to the pain doctor. Basically, they are keeping me on the same meds. I told him about the fall I had 5 days ago. I leaned back in the chair and fell on my head and back. Can someone say “6th concussion?” It took me about 15 minutes to fully get up. I made it to the Lazyboy and slept for a few hours. Not very smart, I know, but I was really tired. My dysautonomia has been in overdrive ever since. Dizzy, headache, burning face and ears, My doctor checked me out and said I was OK.

It’s 6AM...I’ve been awake close to 3 hours. Most days/nights are like this. I go to bed by 11:30PM and wake up 3-4 hours later.

I also asked my doctor about 2 other things I wondered about. I told him that my sleep meds keep me up. Even a 5-Hour Energy drink will knock me out...so does Provigil. I told him that caffeine relaxes me. He said it is rare but he has seen others react the opposite to meds. He even said that if I was on higher doses of pain meds than I am on now (higher doses than Morphine twice a day and Lortab 10 four times a day?) the meds could do the opposite and cause more pain.

I also asked him about sweating on one side of my body while being bone-dry on the other side, straight down the middle of my body. He said it was classic dysautonomia.